Post by mops on Dec 9, 2009 21:46:11 GMT -5
The UOSLR has been a league that has developed a reputation of having the world’s best basketball players and perhaps some of the best, worst, and most interesting General Managers that could be found. It’s what makes this league so great. However, the Commissioner of the league, Ashes, has been a key reason in the development of the league and possibly the expansion of the UOSLR.
In the past three or four years the UOSLR has seen a wide expansion of players come into the UOSLR from overseas and starring and being some of the best players. There have been some buts but guys like Yao Ming, Dirk Nowitzki, and the even the league’s best player in Etienne Preira have paved the way for more and more players to make the transition. It certainly has been an interesting development in the UOSLR as more and more cultures are making their way into the locker rooms.
The Los Angles Lakers have maybe one of the strangest combos in the locker room and GM DBW spoke on that.
“Well when you look at your team you see Pau sitting over in one corner with those skinny ass jeans and his black leather jacket smoking those cigs and just looking like Euro trash. Jiri Welch seems to think he’s hot shit with his wife but we all know he’s just trying to be Pau’s little bro in Euro trash crime. Then you look over next to Pau and the kid, King James, and his large entourage of other LeBrons are just looking fly as can be in their nike stuff. It’s a strange locker room. I mean hell, what planet is Chris ‘the birdman’ Anderson even from? He’s off the charts!”
When we asked Chris Webber, a new piece to the Laker locker room about his thoughts all he could come up with is a cheap and somewhat awful imitation of Charles Barkley’s famous saying.
“You’sa knucklehead, I mean, this is not normal.”
UOSLR commish Ashes however states he feels having the European influence into the league a very positive one and one that involves even bringing in outside GMs to man these teams. He hired Tiger from the Queen’s land and brought him in to run the Chicago Bulls from his flat across the pond.
“Tiger brings an interesting aspect to the league,” Ashes states. “I mean when all the GMs convene for our annual ‘Kick Maarty’s Ass Night’ Tiger shows up either 12 hours ahead of time ready to go or 12 hours late. It sure gets the party rolling early or he gives us that great boost of energy when everyone is down and needing a pick me up. Also, its just interesting seeing an Asian man live in the Euro Trash community. I mean seriously, that could be a show and one that I would watch.”
Tiger stated his desire to prove to these ‘stupid yankees’ that a man from a flat could run a team just as well as these cowboys.
“Oh you know I want to kick all their butts in this league. Hell its why I gave the French’s best basketball product ever so much cash out of his second round contract. I think its fitting that a young, talented, and Asian man is destroying these damn Yanks with a French born player. Its classic. They say the French are wimps and only do damage to the world but I swear my boy EP is just a stud and is taking it to those Yanks.
The reception for Tiger has been a great one however and Ashes commends the league for accepting the non American’s into the league.
Rockets GM Ducky however has a totally different take on things.
“All these damn Eurotrash players are making it worse to understand the vibe of the locker room. I mean they come in here and demand all these skinny ass jeans, greased up hair, they smoke a ton of cigs, and they take all our women because of those damn accents. I am all for diversity in the league and giving everyone an equal chance at the league, but once they come to America they need to develop some form of Americanism and show their thanks to this great nation. I mean build a massive house, buy a ton of cars, get fat, do something American. At least get in massive debt! “
Ducky went on to even throw one of his favorite original players under the bus.
“When I was Mops personal assistant in life out in Denver we went with Vlade Divac because lets face it, the man’s got a great face, body(no homo), and could ball above all. However I quickly became estranged with Vlade because he wouldn’t adopt the American way and I just had to get out of there.”
When we asked Mops on his take of Ducky’s comments he shed some more light on that.
“I don’t know how many shouting matches I saw between the two about how Ducky felt Vlade needed to become more American and learn the English language and Vlade thought he could do whatever it took. I certainly thought Ducky was right and I eventually shipped Divac out of there.
Look I am all for diversity as well, but I am also American and well, Team America, FUCK YA!”
Csdude however has a very interesting take on this development of increased overseas players.
“Well I drafted AK47 from mother Russia for one very reason. He and I struck a deal before the draft that if I in fact drafted him he would give me total access to all the lady friends he gets on the road. So after games he and I go Tiger Woods style and just find as many mistresses as we can get for each road city. I mean its awesome. Sometimes we hit the club and find even Tiger there bumping and grinding with some skank and we just say ‘Lets do it Tiger style tonight’.”
Brophdogg, the Nets GM, who runs a team across the river from one of the biggest melting pots in the entire nation also loves the attention the league is giving to European players but also at times is a tad upset.
“Well I think its going to be a good idea to eventually bring over the world’s best players but at the same time they need to come when we draft them. I drafted a guy and shoot, I cant even remember the guys name anymore because he simply won’t come over. I’ve seen some Tennessee hostesses over there and none come back. They all just text me and say they’ve traveled over the 200 mile limit and are going to stay over seas for this Euro stock.”
By the way the UOSLR is looking into the hostess issue with the Nets because its not a welcomed fact that teams are giving free pleasures to players without the free pleasures being offered to other GMs.
One interesting development in the increase of players from outside America however is the lack of Mexicans making it over into the UOSLR. Ashes has done a ton of basketball camps and has even hosted a few pre-season games over in the land of Beans but to his hard work and sweat nothing has come through.
One source close to a UOSLR team located in the South West however has shed some light on why that is.
“I’ve heard a few teams in the South West and in particular one close to the board has a GM who is setting on his flat bed trunk with his M16 and a Cog attached to it CODMW2 style and just snipes the little guys before they can get into America.”
Another reason it hasn’t happened is because Ducky, Mops, Ashes, ThickDuck1, and TMac, have created a program that helps the players from Mexico at their best sport, Cross Country.
“Well we felt like we needed to exploit them at what they are best at and lets face it, they are awesome at cross country. I mean hell it’s a power house program down there,” says TMac.
None the less expect more and more talent from overseas to enter the UOSLR but that just makes it harder and harder to know what players have a legit chance at making it big time or who are the fakes.
“With the development of Wang Zhi-Zhi and now the ever improving Yao Ming doing his thing I have to predict the UOSLR will see a sudden increase of lanky, skinny, Asian guys who are all close to 7’ tall enter or try to enter the league,” says DB. “We are seeing it with all the high schoolers jumping into the fray early and everyone is looking to find the next LeBron or DeShawn Stevenon, or Shawn Kemp and lets face it, those are all just random occurrences and ones that don’t happen very often.”
So while the league is constantly growing in talent expect the increase in players from overseas to continue to climb and the UOSLR is taking its levels to better ratings and better overall standing with the fans.
Editors note: Our next piece will be on the human trafficking that Maarty, Insane, and Heatflash have been running for their current players.
In the past three or four years the UOSLR has seen a wide expansion of players come into the UOSLR from overseas and starring and being some of the best players. There have been some buts but guys like Yao Ming, Dirk Nowitzki, and the even the league’s best player in Etienne Preira have paved the way for more and more players to make the transition. It certainly has been an interesting development in the UOSLR as more and more cultures are making their way into the locker rooms.
The Los Angles Lakers have maybe one of the strangest combos in the locker room and GM DBW spoke on that.
“Well when you look at your team you see Pau sitting over in one corner with those skinny ass jeans and his black leather jacket smoking those cigs and just looking like Euro trash. Jiri Welch seems to think he’s hot shit with his wife but we all know he’s just trying to be Pau’s little bro in Euro trash crime. Then you look over next to Pau and the kid, King James, and his large entourage of other LeBrons are just looking fly as can be in their nike stuff. It’s a strange locker room. I mean hell, what planet is Chris ‘the birdman’ Anderson even from? He’s off the charts!”
When we asked Chris Webber, a new piece to the Laker locker room about his thoughts all he could come up with is a cheap and somewhat awful imitation of Charles Barkley’s famous saying.
“You’sa knucklehead, I mean, this is not normal.”
UOSLR commish Ashes however states he feels having the European influence into the league a very positive one and one that involves even bringing in outside GMs to man these teams. He hired Tiger from the Queen’s land and brought him in to run the Chicago Bulls from his flat across the pond.
“Tiger brings an interesting aspect to the league,” Ashes states. “I mean when all the GMs convene for our annual ‘Kick Maarty’s Ass Night’ Tiger shows up either 12 hours ahead of time ready to go or 12 hours late. It sure gets the party rolling early or he gives us that great boost of energy when everyone is down and needing a pick me up. Also, its just interesting seeing an Asian man live in the Euro Trash community. I mean seriously, that could be a show and one that I would watch.”
Tiger stated his desire to prove to these ‘stupid yankees’ that a man from a flat could run a team just as well as these cowboys.
“Oh you know I want to kick all their butts in this league. Hell its why I gave the French’s best basketball product ever so much cash out of his second round contract. I think its fitting that a young, talented, and Asian man is destroying these damn Yanks with a French born player. Its classic. They say the French are wimps and only do damage to the world but I swear my boy EP is just a stud and is taking it to those Yanks.
The reception for Tiger has been a great one however and Ashes commends the league for accepting the non American’s into the league.
Rockets GM Ducky however has a totally different take on things.
“All these damn Eurotrash players are making it worse to understand the vibe of the locker room. I mean they come in here and demand all these skinny ass jeans, greased up hair, they smoke a ton of cigs, and they take all our women because of those damn accents. I am all for diversity in the league and giving everyone an equal chance at the league, but once they come to America they need to develop some form of Americanism and show their thanks to this great nation. I mean build a massive house, buy a ton of cars, get fat, do something American. At least get in massive debt! “
Ducky went on to even throw one of his favorite original players under the bus.
“When I was Mops personal assistant in life out in Denver we went with Vlade Divac because lets face it, the man’s got a great face, body(no homo), and could ball above all. However I quickly became estranged with Vlade because he wouldn’t adopt the American way and I just had to get out of there.”
When we asked Mops on his take of Ducky’s comments he shed some more light on that.
“I don’t know how many shouting matches I saw between the two about how Ducky felt Vlade needed to become more American and learn the English language and Vlade thought he could do whatever it took. I certainly thought Ducky was right and I eventually shipped Divac out of there.
Look I am all for diversity as well, but I am also American and well, Team America, FUCK YA!”
Csdude however has a very interesting take on this development of increased overseas players.
“Well I drafted AK47 from mother Russia for one very reason. He and I struck a deal before the draft that if I in fact drafted him he would give me total access to all the lady friends he gets on the road. So after games he and I go Tiger Woods style and just find as many mistresses as we can get for each road city. I mean its awesome. Sometimes we hit the club and find even Tiger there bumping and grinding with some skank and we just say ‘Lets do it Tiger style tonight’.”
Brophdogg, the Nets GM, who runs a team across the river from one of the biggest melting pots in the entire nation also loves the attention the league is giving to European players but also at times is a tad upset.
“Well I think its going to be a good idea to eventually bring over the world’s best players but at the same time they need to come when we draft them. I drafted a guy and shoot, I cant even remember the guys name anymore because he simply won’t come over. I’ve seen some Tennessee hostesses over there and none come back. They all just text me and say they’ve traveled over the 200 mile limit and are going to stay over seas for this Euro stock.”
By the way the UOSLR is looking into the hostess issue with the Nets because its not a welcomed fact that teams are giving free pleasures to players without the free pleasures being offered to other GMs.
One interesting development in the increase of players from outside America however is the lack of Mexicans making it over into the UOSLR. Ashes has done a ton of basketball camps and has even hosted a few pre-season games over in the land of Beans but to his hard work and sweat nothing has come through.
One source close to a UOSLR team located in the South West however has shed some light on why that is.
“I’ve heard a few teams in the South West and in particular one close to the board has a GM who is setting on his flat bed trunk with his M16 and a Cog attached to it CODMW2 style and just snipes the little guys before they can get into America.”
Another reason it hasn’t happened is because Ducky, Mops, Ashes, ThickDuck1, and TMac, have created a program that helps the players from Mexico at their best sport, Cross Country.
“Well we felt like we needed to exploit them at what they are best at and lets face it, they are awesome at cross country. I mean hell it’s a power house program down there,” says TMac.
None the less expect more and more talent from overseas to enter the UOSLR but that just makes it harder and harder to know what players have a legit chance at making it big time or who are the fakes.
“With the development of Wang Zhi-Zhi and now the ever improving Yao Ming doing his thing I have to predict the UOSLR will see a sudden increase of lanky, skinny, Asian guys who are all close to 7’ tall enter or try to enter the league,” says DB. “We are seeing it with all the high schoolers jumping into the fray early and everyone is looking to find the next LeBron or DeShawn Stevenon, or Shawn Kemp and lets face it, those are all just random occurrences and ones that don’t happen very often.”
So while the league is constantly growing in talent expect the increase in players from overseas to continue to climb and the UOSLR is taking its levels to better ratings and better overall standing with the fans.
Editors note: Our next piece will be on the human trafficking that Maarty, Insane, and Heatflash have been running for their current players.
