Post by Dash on Mar 29, 2009 1:56:33 GMT -5
The Boston Celtics have made some big offseason moves, their first since the beginning of the league during the UOSLR's creations draft. The first had them signing Vernon Maxwell, one of the prize free agents of his class, to a max, six year contract. However, this came at a cost as the Celtics lost legendary big man Larry Nance to the Bucks. Most fans squawked at losing Nance, especially to the cellar dwelling Bucks, but acquiring Maxwell quipped even the most proud Boston fans.
Next came the announcement that the Celtics had fired long time favorite and former Celtic, Chris Ford, their head coach. This puzzled most, as Ford had a relatively successful run as head coaching, including leading the team to the Eastern Conference Finals heartbreaker appearance this past year. General Manager Dash is quoted as saying, "We love Chris Ford and all he did for the Boston Celtics organization, but we feel as if we've somewhat underachieved these past few years, and the players needed a new presence in the locker room." That new presence came in the form of new head coach, Mike D'Antoni.
The news of D'Antoni's hiring filled Boston newspapers with titles of dismay. No one had heard of this 43 year old from Milan. The thought of hiring a head coach from the Italian league was shaky at best, especially with such a well-liked head coach already at the helm. Nonetheless, GM Dash had a "gut" feeling with this young coach. His Milan teams were filled with outside shooters who liked to run up and down the court, similar to the Showtime Lakers of a few years ago who Celtics fans are all too familiar with. The Celtics had played a fast, uptempo game the past few years with All-League first team Jeff Hornacek leading the way, but nothing on D'Antoni's level of run 'n gun. His hiring would be a prelude to the biggest trade of Dash's tenure.
After losing Nance, the Celtics had a big presence missing from the center of their defense. It was thought that backup big, Felton Spencer, would fill the hole as his defensive and rebounding presences helped slow down the likes of Hakeem Olajuwon and Karl Malone this past year. However, Spencer didn't fit what D'Antoni likes at that position. Dash, from D'Antoni's requests, sought to fill that spot with a player who could fit with his new system. The Hornets had been rumored to be shopping Dominque Wilkins, but most had dismissed the baseless ideas coming from the Charlotte media. Those rumors weren't unfounded however, and the Hornets consummated a deal with the Celtics just before opening day which sent Dominque Wilkins to the Celtics in exchange for John Salley, Chris Morris, and the Celtics 1995 and 1996 1st rounders. John Salley was said to have felt "betrayed", and was quoted as saying, "Who the hell do these ************* think they are? I sign a deal to help them win a ring, and they trade my ass away to rot behind Karl Malone?" Fan reaction showed no remorse in response to losing Salley.
Back in the 1980's, no one would have thought that Wilkins had any chance of becoming a Celtic, but times change. The outlandish part of the whole deal is that Wilkins has said he has been brought in to play power forward in D'Antoni's new system. This has the entire league up in debate about whether D'Antoni's new system actually has a legit chance of becoming effective. Wilkin's athleticism and vast defensive skills have not diminished with age which should allow him to play power forward somewhat effectively. The key is him creating mismatches on the offensive end which should wreck havoc on opposing defenses.
With these drastic moves in the rearview mirror, GM Dash has called a press conference to introduce us to some new faces.
*GM Dash gets up and addresses the room*
Dash: Welcome, everyone. As you all know, I've been really busy this offseason. I'm real happy with our moves, and I think we can compete for a championship again this year. I'll let you guys get right to it and ask your questions to either Vernon, Dominique, or Coach D'Antoni.
Reporter 1: Vernon, how do you think you will fit in with this new, supposed high octane offense?
Maxwell: Well I love the offense creativity it allows me. Harp and Horndog, as I've found out we called him in recent days due to his locker room antics, will free me up and allow me open shots. Then I can really focus all my efforts on shutting down the teams best offensive threat, which is what I'm best at.
Reporter 2: Dominique, what is it like playing with the Celtics after having them dominate you in years past when you were with Atlanta?
Wilkins: Well, I seem to remember my team beating them last year in the playoffs, but we'll forget about that for a second. The Celtics are a storied franchise and I'm proud to be a part of that tradition.
Reporter 3: Coach D'Antoni, do you actually think your "Run 'N Gun" style will work in the NBA when dominant defenses and slow style of place is starting to become the norm?
D'Antoni: Well, it seemed to work quite well in the 80's for the Lakers. We have a point guard as close to Magic as you can get in Jeff "Horndog" Hornacek who can make it all work. Then we basically have a second point guard on the floor at all times in Derek Harper. Our team is filled with great passers. Defense will still be stressed, but we will run the floor at all times.
Reporter 4: Vernon, what made you decide to leave the Bullets and Hakeem?
Vernon: Well Hakeem was an awesome teammate. No one is better to play with Hakeem, but I've heard some rumors about Jeff, or should I say Horndog, but that story is for another time. But the Bullets didn't offer me the amount of years I wanted. Not sure why they wouldn't offer me the full max allowed, but they greatly offended me when they did that. I poured my heart and soul out for that franchise and they tried to stiff me when it came for free agency. GM Dash was on the steps of my home at 12:01 AM already making his sales pitch. It was a no brainer.
Reporter 1: Vernon, can you please elaborate on Jeff Hornecek's supposed nickname, Horndog, and the locker room antics you commented on earlier?
Vernon: Ummm....well....
*Vernon looks to GM Dash was a look of uncertainty on his face*
Vernon: Well, Hornacek is supposed to be quite good with his other "game" if you know what I mean. He is quite handsome I mean...sexy...no I mean...nothing. Nothing. Disregard what I said.
Reporter 2: Coach D'Antoni, there are rumors that you are too easy on players during practice and its basically non-existent?
D'Antoni: Well, I'm a big believer in...
*At this point, Jeff Hornacek, dressed sharply in the latest GQ fashion, walks out of nowhere and takes the mic from his head coach*
Hornacek: Practice...you talkin bout practice? The only good thing about practice is I get to make myself sexy in front of everyone in the locker room afterwards.
*Presently, it seems as if the entire media is in complete awe of Hornacek and his sexiness seems to radiate outward and permeate everyone's core being into adornment.*
Female Reporter 1: Dominique, I was just wondering how do you think you'll be able to transition to the power forward pos....ah screw it, JEFF, JEFF baby, do you think I can have your phone number?
*Dominique looks absolutely disgusted, then he takes one look at Hornacek and even he seems in awe*
Hornacek: Well, that depends. You going to bring your twin sister with you?
Female Reporter 1: How did you know I have a twin sister? WOW. You really are a sexy beast.
Hornacek: I just like to think I'm god's gift to this planet. But, anyway, I can just tell these things. And I know the answer is already a yes, so just meet me at my house for your scheduled appointment at 4PM. Don't be late, as I have plenty of other willing people to meet with, if you know what I mean.
Female Reporter 1: Oh we'll be there!
Female Reporter 2: Jeff baby, are the rumors true, that you know, that your, well, that you make even Shaquille O'Neal look like hes a 5'3 asian man?
Hornacek: Well, I'm here to tell you, the rumors aren't totally true, its even bigger!
*Hornacek proceeds to flash himself*
*Female Reporter 1 and 2 faint in shock, along with half of the other audience including some male reporters and Vernon Maxwell.*
*GM Dash, sensing things are getting out of control, grabs the mic*
Dash: Well, I think thats been enough for today. We are going to have to end the press conference here, but we look forward to the season and your support. God bless.
Next came the announcement that the Celtics had fired long time favorite and former Celtic, Chris Ford, their head coach. This puzzled most, as Ford had a relatively successful run as head coaching, including leading the team to the Eastern Conference Finals heartbreaker appearance this past year. General Manager Dash is quoted as saying, "We love Chris Ford and all he did for the Boston Celtics organization, but we feel as if we've somewhat underachieved these past few years, and the players needed a new presence in the locker room." That new presence came in the form of new head coach, Mike D'Antoni.
The news of D'Antoni's hiring filled Boston newspapers with titles of dismay. No one had heard of this 43 year old from Milan. The thought of hiring a head coach from the Italian league was shaky at best, especially with such a well-liked head coach already at the helm. Nonetheless, GM Dash had a "gut" feeling with this young coach. His Milan teams were filled with outside shooters who liked to run up and down the court, similar to the Showtime Lakers of a few years ago who Celtics fans are all too familiar with. The Celtics had played a fast, uptempo game the past few years with All-League first team Jeff Hornacek leading the way, but nothing on D'Antoni's level of run 'n gun. His hiring would be a prelude to the biggest trade of Dash's tenure.
After losing Nance, the Celtics had a big presence missing from the center of their defense. It was thought that backup big, Felton Spencer, would fill the hole as his defensive and rebounding presences helped slow down the likes of Hakeem Olajuwon and Karl Malone this past year. However, Spencer didn't fit what D'Antoni likes at that position. Dash, from D'Antoni's requests, sought to fill that spot with a player who could fit with his new system. The Hornets had been rumored to be shopping Dominque Wilkins, but most had dismissed the baseless ideas coming from the Charlotte media. Those rumors weren't unfounded however, and the Hornets consummated a deal with the Celtics just before opening day which sent Dominque Wilkins to the Celtics in exchange for John Salley, Chris Morris, and the Celtics 1995 and 1996 1st rounders. John Salley was said to have felt "betrayed", and was quoted as saying, "Who the hell do these ************* think they are? I sign a deal to help them win a ring, and they trade my ass away to rot behind Karl Malone?" Fan reaction showed no remorse in response to losing Salley.
Back in the 1980's, no one would have thought that Wilkins had any chance of becoming a Celtic, but times change. The outlandish part of the whole deal is that Wilkins has said he has been brought in to play power forward in D'Antoni's new system. This has the entire league up in debate about whether D'Antoni's new system actually has a legit chance of becoming effective. Wilkin's athleticism and vast defensive skills have not diminished with age which should allow him to play power forward somewhat effectively. The key is him creating mismatches on the offensive end which should wreck havoc on opposing defenses.
With these drastic moves in the rearview mirror, GM Dash has called a press conference to introduce us to some new faces.
*GM Dash gets up and addresses the room*
Dash: Welcome, everyone. As you all know, I've been really busy this offseason. I'm real happy with our moves, and I think we can compete for a championship again this year. I'll let you guys get right to it and ask your questions to either Vernon, Dominique, or Coach D'Antoni.
Reporter 1: Vernon, how do you think you will fit in with this new, supposed high octane offense?
Maxwell: Well I love the offense creativity it allows me. Harp and Horndog, as I've found out we called him in recent days due to his locker room antics, will free me up and allow me open shots. Then I can really focus all my efforts on shutting down the teams best offensive threat, which is what I'm best at.
Reporter 2: Dominique, what is it like playing with the Celtics after having them dominate you in years past when you were with Atlanta?
Wilkins: Well, I seem to remember my team beating them last year in the playoffs, but we'll forget about that for a second. The Celtics are a storied franchise and I'm proud to be a part of that tradition.
Reporter 3: Coach D'Antoni, do you actually think your "Run 'N Gun" style will work in the NBA when dominant defenses and slow style of place is starting to become the norm?
D'Antoni: Well, it seemed to work quite well in the 80's for the Lakers. We have a point guard as close to Magic as you can get in Jeff "Horndog" Hornacek who can make it all work. Then we basically have a second point guard on the floor at all times in Derek Harper. Our team is filled with great passers. Defense will still be stressed, but we will run the floor at all times.
Reporter 4: Vernon, what made you decide to leave the Bullets and Hakeem?
Vernon: Well Hakeem was an awesome teammate. No one is better to play with Hakeem, but I've heard some rumors about Jeff, or should I say Horndog, but that story is for another time. But the Bullets didn't offer me the amount of years I wanted. Not sure why they wouldn't offer me the full max allowed, but they greatly offended me when they did that. I poured my heart and soul out for that franchise and they tried to stiff me when it came for free agency. GM Dash was on the steps of my home at 12:01 AM already making his sales pitch. It was a no brainer.
Reporter 1: Vernon, can you please elaborate on Jeff Hornecek's supposed nickname, Horndog, and the locker room antics you commented on earlier?
Vernon: Ummm....well....
*Vernon looks to GM Dash was a look of uncertainty on his face*
Vernon: Well, Hornacek is supposed to be quite good with his other "game" if you know what I mean. He is quite handsome I mean...sexy...no I mean...nothing. Nothing. Disregard what I said.
Reporter 2: Coach D'Antoni, there are rumors that you are too easy on players during practice and its basically non-existent?
D'Antoni: Well, I'm a big believer in...
*At this point, Jeff Hornacek, dressed sharply in the latest GQ fashion, walks out of nowhere and takes the mic from his head coach*
Hornacek: Practice...you talkin bout practice? The only good thing about practice is I get to make myself sexy in front of everyone in the locker room afterwards.
*Presently, it seems as if the entire media is in complete awe of Hornacek and his sexiness seems to radiate outward and permeate everyone's core being into adornment.*
Female Reporter 1: Dominique, I was just wondering how do you think you'll be able to transition to the power forward pos....ah screw it, JEFF, JEFF baby, do you think I can have your phone number?
*Dominique looks absolutely disgusted, then he takes one look at Hornacek and even he seems in awe*
Hornacek: Well, that depends. You going to bring your twin sister with you?
Female Reporter 1: How did you know I have a twin sister? WOW. You really are a sexy beast.
Hornacek: I just like to think I'm god's gift to this planet. But, anyway, I can just tell these things. And I know the answer is already a yes, so just meet me at my house for your scheduled appointment at 4PM. Don't be late, as I have plenty of other willing people to meet with, if you know what I mean.
Female Reporter 1: Oh we'll be there!
Female Reporter 2: Jeff baby, are the rumors true, that you know, that your, well, that you make even Shaquille O'Neal look like hes a 5'3 asian man?
Hornacek: Well, I'm here to tell you, the rumors aren't totally true, its even bigger!
*Hornacek proceeds to flash himself*
*Female Reporter 1 and 2 faint in shock, along with half of the other audience including some male reporters and Vernon Maxwell.*
*GM Dash, sensing things are getting out of control, grabs the mic*
Dash: Well, I think thats been enough for today. We are going to have to end the press conference here, but we look forward to the season and your support. God bless.
